22 May 2021
Well Rod, this has been a week where grief let’s me know it never goes away. Watching a TV show one evening, the scene was Christmas and a boys choir was singing “little drummer boy” and at the same time there was a veteran’s funeral in Arlington National cemetery with full military honors. As the music played, The camera went back and forth between the two scenes and when the presented the flag to the widow, I just lost it..out of nowhere the tears just flooded in. I relived your funeral, seeing that cold marble headstone with your name engraved. I didn’t sleep well any night this week, and thankfully this is a 3 day weekend with Pentecost.
Pentecost, it’s a holiday that means more to me at this time in my life than at any other time. Reading in The book of Acts about the Holy Spirit filling the Apostles with His power must have been an amazing thing to witness. I imagine that you can see and experience this and many other things now. Even though I miss you terribly here on this earth, I know that you are about our Father’s business. More spiritual awakenings.
This week, during one of restless nights, I saw a photo in one of the groups I follow on Facebook. The photographer caught a blue jay in mid flight, almost as if he was frozen in time. It made me think of you again and remembering you saying “here on this earth we are stuck in a box of space and time”. I decided I had to try to paint it the photograph and the sentiments that it brings to mind.
We had so many memorable moments Rodney. Now more than ever, all moments matter. You will always be the love of my life. Always. You remain just behind my eyes, no longer stuck in this box of space and time, no more pain, no more suffering, free to do our Father’s business.
I’ll be ok Rod, it’s just growing pains in this grief journey…transformation is never easy. Like the nautilus, I have to change the shell in order to grow. I’m growing Rod, it’s just that it’s such a different journey without my soulmate physically with me. I ask God to bless you in your mission and let you know I love you. Love does not die with death.
Until we meet again, I remain your loving Sarah.