11 September 2021

My dearest Rod,

Writing that date of 9/11 takes me back to Romania, feeling helpless, trapped, yet knowing we were safe together. Hearts going out to all the people impacted by this attack on American soil. Watching the events unfold on live TV, getting heartfelt condolences from our Romanian friends, trying to help visitors get home to their families, having a feeling of unity as Americans..so many emotions are attached to that date in history of the 9th month, the 11th day of 2001. May God bless the USA and heal the divisions in the hearts of our people.

It’s September..yes, September morn, the month that, since the 29th day of this month in 2018, has brought a heaviness over my soul. This year, so far, it’s not as heavy as it was in the past two years, and for that I am grateful. Time has a way of doing what only time can do. I have grown spiritually Rod, this I know. I can add to this a few other things I know:

I know I am a child of God, and all that comes with that knowing.

I know our love is eternal

I know I have missions to accomplish in my time on this earth

It’s a short list, but the phrases and the words that describe these short phrases have grown significantly since your last day on this earth. I am grateful for this.

One of our mutual friends sent me the link to one of our well-known hymns. The arrangement and performance is just wonderful and it touched me today. It’s a powerful prayer and appropriate for me especially this month. Link to “I need thee every hour” hymn

I dreamed about you the other night Rod..it’s been awhile since we had this feeling of being together, and it was so special, So real. I wrote it down as soon as I could so as not to forget it:

I had text messages in my phone with photos with You! . You told me that Heaven was amazing..like slices of time/space/experiences. In one message you were in the US, then India, next in Beijing. Once, you were in your boy-scout uniform, others in your « traveling clothes », always looking as you did before you were sick. Sometimes you were helping people, sometimes, just traveling with them , holding pets. Sometimes your face would come through animals. Sometimes I would have to go to strange places to see your face. Each time you would confirm with a text message that it was you. In my dream, I forwarded these messages to others and they could also see the text messages and photos. I remember one scenario where a chinese family contacted me and shared the photo/ video with me where you helped their child do something and they were so grateful . I visited them and I told them that I too had been in contact with you and they said it must be sacred and I agreed. I remember another scenario where I had to get on my hands and knees, look under a bench and look at a very small Buddha face, and it turned into Your face, wavy and dark green like Jade. Another scenario where you were holding a cat and the cat’s back was arched, but not angry, more like a form of a triangle was being raised inside the cat. Was it the holy trinity? Not sure about any symbolism that happens in dreams!

Again, I didn’t want this dream to end, and as I type this, I can still feel the twinge of excitement I felt when I saw I was texting with you in heaven and you were participating in events on earth. Perhaps as an angel..but that title was never mentioned.

Sadly when I awoke, No traces of heavenly chats existed on my phone, but I had to check..it was so real. I wanted to record this gift from Heaven as soon as I could to keep it « real » in my mind.

This chapter of my life is unfolding as it should Rod…of course I miss you and if I could have you back well, I would..but, I would not want you here suffering. You remain right behind my eyes. I am starting to thrive and enjoy this chapter here in France! I’m actually cooking and feeling I can do that! I’ve made friends who are really helping me get back to a simple life in the country, very similar to the way we grew up.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. Today, just for today, all is well, with my soul.



20 years after 9/11. I will always be an American and yet, I am very at home in France too.