3 July 2022

Hello my dearest Rodney,

Last night old man grief came a knockin on my brain again…it just doesn’t go away does it? I was exhausted from travel and slept in the afternoon, then of course couldn’t sleep well in the night. I put on the hymns playlist and wanted to be lulled to sleep..and then the song by John Michael Talbot came on….”Here I am Lord”. I have listened to it since you passed and it was sad, but not overwhelming. Last night, it was overwhelming to the point of sobbing..I remembered these words, remembered talking to you and telling you this song was written about you and the way you cared for alcoholics. Mouthing the words as I sobbed..then, as if the fog lifted, the sobbing subsided..and then I guess I went to sleep.

This morning, the words are not hypnotic, yet, they are still very important, so I write them here.

I, the Lord of sea and sky
I have heard my people cry
All who dwell in dark and sin
My hand will save
I have made the stars of night
I will make their darkness bright
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Here I am, Lord
Is it I, Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night
I will go, Lord
If You lead me
I will hold Your people in my heart

I, the Lord of wind and flame
I will tend the poor and lame
I will set a feast for them
My hand will save
Finest bread I will provide
‘Til their hearts be satisfied
I will give my life to them
Whom shall I send?

Here I am, Lord
Is it I, Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night
I will go, Lord
If You lead me
I will hold Your people in my heart

I will hold Your people in my heart

I love you Rodney, I will always love you. You remain just behind my eyes, sobbing or smiling..where you have been and will be forever

Love you,

Sarah